My beautiful girl.

Little girls pretend their dolls are their babies.
Many young women contemplate the kind of mother they will become.
Mothers sigh heavily in one moment, and smile with tears in their eyes the next.
Grandmothers reflect back on the times they had with their children.

Every mother has had a moment during her child's life where she had two different thoughts at the same time.
I CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYMORE and not one person could explain to me how much love I would have for you before you were born.
Being a single mother, sucks. It sucks even more because I'm not really a single mother.

I have a husband. A husband who is currently "serving our country" sitting on a ship. A ship that is in dry dock, in another state. Yes, he can drive home in a few hours, however their duty schedule prevents that from happening more than once a month. 

And, as if this wasn't enough. 

Pretty soon, he'll be so far away the flight is more than 18 hours, not including layovers/delays/connections.

Strip away my needs. My need for intimacy, touch and laughter. All of which Paul gives me in spades.

Cut back the extra help he is in chores, like dishes and laundry, mowing the lawn and walking the dog.

Peel away the fact that I am the sole provider for our daughter, kissing every boo boo, nursing every illness and deciding when enough is enough and it's hospital time. 

It's overwhelming at best.

All I can do is take each day, one step at a time. One action at a time.

Every morning, we say good morning and how are you? Did you sleep well? (me)
The answer is always "How are you? I want to bring my blanket." (her)

Every night we stand at the window to the left of our front door and say good night to the day.
"Good night day! We will see you tomorrow, and it will be a great day! Good night trees, cars, grass and birds."
Always said in a whisper.

She already misses her daddy, so much that randomly every day she says "Daddy has to work." 
I agree with her, and she moves on.
Some days, she asks to call his phone and we always do. I'm certain she wants to do it to hear his voice, even if it is just "Paul S*****" that gets played when you reach his voice mail.

Related Posts with Thumbnails