Because

Milestones are something most people on the younger side of fifty look forward to. They are something mother's count off among their mommy friends, proud of their children.

I've counted teeth, and how many words Emmie can say. I've spent hours pouring over studies and research about mental, emotional and physical milestones. When is she supposed to jump with two feet off the ground? How old is a toddler before they can reason?

Today (and a few days ago) a new milestone showed up.

Emmie now says "because" to connect two thoughts. These two thoughts don't make sense to me yet, but to her they do and I suppose for now that is all that matters.

"I like babies because boys and girls."

Now, I'm not going to break down the structure or grammar. She's saying because! She has two thoughts she wants to express in one sentence!

My baby is so amazing, so thoughtful, and so not a baby anymore.

My beautiful girl.

Little girls pretend their dolls are their babies.

Many young women contemplate the kind of mother they will become.

Mothers sigh heavily in one moment, and smile with tears in their eyes the next.

Grandmothers reflect back on the times they had with their children.

---

Every mother has had a moment during her child's life where she had two different thoughts at the same time.

I CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYMORE and not one person could explain to me how much love I would have for you before you were born.

Being a single mother, sucks. It sucks even more because I'm not really a single mother.

I have a husband. A husband who is currently "serving our country" sitting on a ship. A ship that is in dry dock, in another state. Yes, he can drive home in a few hours, however their duty schedule prevents that from happening more than once a month. 

And, as if this wasn't enough. 

Pretty soon, he'll be so far away the flight is more than 18 hours, not including layovers/delays/connections.

Strip away my needs. My need for intimacy, touch and laughter. All of which Paul gives me in spades.

Cut back the extra help he is in chores, like dishes and laundry, mowing the lawn and walking the dog.

Peel away the fact that I am the sole provider for our daughter, kissing every boo boo, nursing every illness and deciding when enough is enough and it's hospital time. 

It's overwhelming at best.

All I can do is take each day, one step at a time. One action at a time.

Every morning, we say good morning and how are you? Did you sleep well? (me)

The answer is always "How are you? I want to bring my blanket." (her)

Every night we stand at the window to the left of our front door and say good night to the day.

"Good night day! We will see you tomorrow, and it will be a great day! Good night trees, cars, grass and birds."

Always said in a whisper.

She already misses her daddy, so much that randomly every day she says "Daddy has to work." 

I agree with her, and she moves on.

Some days, she asks to call his phone and we always do. I'm certain she wants to do it to hear his voice, even if it is just "Paul S*****" that gets played when you reach his voice mail.

62 ingredients

I have never in my life cooked a meal that had 62 ingredients.

Why, oh why on earth is it okay/normal/acceptable for schools to be serving pizza with 62 ingredients to elementary aged children. On Jamie Oliver's new television show "Food Revolution" his cameras pan to six year old children eating (probably) the same pizza for breakfast. 

I'm outraged.

I understand the draw of pizza. Every kid likes it and it reheats well. I remember a time when pizza was a treat. Growing up in my household most pizzas were either on boboli crusts or bagels with fresh mozzarella and sun dried tomatoes, made at home. Delivered pizza was a treat saved for slumber parties, the rare friday night we didn't go out as a family or if mom was sick. Even then, it was usually take and bake pizza. (True story eh mom?)

 http://fedupwithschoollunch.blogspot.com/

The link above is an amazing look at real school lunches. "Mrs. Q" (not her real initial) has chosen to eat the lunches served by her school for an entire school year. (Brave Soul)

Mrs. Q is unveiling a very serious problem with our school lunch programs. This food is barely edible by an adult's standards. I realize these kids aren't paying money for this food, but it is costing them dearly.

This could be the only meal for some kids, shouldn't it be as nutritious and fortified as it possibly can be? Shouldn't we be putting all our money and effort into meals that feed our children both physically and mentally? Don't they deserve to feel taken care of, and cared for? Slapping a plastic-y looking cheese sandwich on a tray with broccoli that has been cooked within an inch of it's life (probably devoid of all nutrition it may have once tried to provide) is not serving a child lunch.

I literally remember my school cafeteria lady's name. Theresa. She was tiny, she was Filipino and you didn't mess with her on Chicken Nugget day. I think she would probably appreciate that I remember her. I remember she would always keep a secret tray of nuggets for those of us that volunteered to help serve lunch. Yeah, those were the days. Fifth and sixth graders taken out of class (GASP!) a full fifteen minutes before lunch time, to help get lunch out to their peers. We served our friends. They ate their food, usually all of it. Then we got to eat together in the cafeteria with Theresa. It was a huge honor, bestowed only upon the students whose teachers trusted them to be responsible enough to get the job done.

Do we really have so little faith in our children? Do we put such a small amount of stock in them that we have to result to these novelty foods just to get them their daily nutrition?

On Jamie Oliver's show, he showed some 8-9 year olds how to break down a chicken to get all the real meat off the bones. Then, he took the bones, the cartilage and all the yucky parts and put them in a blender. (I don't recall if he added anything else.) Then, he cut it in to a patty shape and breaded it. A few minutes in the hot oil and it was golden brown. He then asked the kids if they would eat it, even though MOMENTS before they had all been saying "Ew! Yuck! That looks nasty!"

Guess what? They all raised their hands in favor of eating the disgusting offal patty. He had the presence of mind not to serve them chicken bone shards and kidneys.

Oh the frustration.

I'm at a point in my parenthood that I have to figure out how Emmie needs to be educated. This school lunch deal is going to be a big check on the home schooling side of the debate. (Along with all the other lameness that is public schools like 40:1 ratios, no books, violence, teacher and student apathy etc.)

This was exhausting.

My interpretation of 'red'

We really need this camera bag...that way I can continue to document the curliest red hair ever created. That's why I'm entering the contest! :)

Affectionately, a good friend has nicknamed Cooper, "Grandpaw Dog."

Our seven year old Golden Retriever is definitely starting to look his age, which gets Paul and I thinking about mortality and pets. We don't like it, but it's inevitable. Paul has never really had a "family pet." His family had pets growing up, but he never really considered them his. Cooper is Paul's first "in the bed, on the couch, in the car and everywhere" dog.

 

Cooper is a gorgeous dog, and he wouldn't show his age save for the white fur on his face. I feel like getting some doggy fur dye to help him look younger! 

He's always been a precious boy. He has a total golden retriever temperament, except for his lack of love for other dogs. He'll walk on a leash with other dogs just fine, but he likes his personal space. (Can you blame him, I wouldn't want someone sniffing my nose either.) 

I had the rare opportunity to take pictures of him because Emmie was entertained and Cooper was just laying on the picnic table. 

 

He always looks forlorn. Kind of like Eeyore. When he's running around like a crazy dog outside he has joy on his face, but he doesn't really like to run all that much. He prefers a steady paced very long walk.

 

I love his nose the most! It's so perfectly black and has the cutest "Rhett Butler" style mustache underneath it.

Lately Emersen has taken an interest in Cooper, wanting to help me brush him and making sure he's "okay."

Some Emmie-isms I've heard about Cooper lately:

Emmie: "You okay Cooper? You hurt your toes? I kiss it."

Emmie: "Good night Cooper [hug] Mmm"

Emmie to a friend of mine: "My dog is so shiny!"

Emmie holding his chin up with her hand: "You need a snack Cooper? Okay, I get it for you."

Paul and I always look at each other and snicker, because she's already become such a little mama. Taking care of every little thing. This morning, Cooper's nose brushed her face, and it was clear he needed it wiped because it was wet. She grabbed a paper towel and started wiping his nose with it! Completely adorable. I mean, seriously! When I told her his nose was supposed to be wet, she started wiping his feet and his fur. He is so patient with her, never once has he even thought to look at her crosswise.  Even during the "lets crawl all over the dog" phase she and her buddy Jordan went through around 14 months ago!

The same day I took the pictures of Cooper, I took a few of Emmie playing on the playground just outside our home.

I think I caught her mid-sentence!

 

Here she is marching to the stairs!

 

She loves to drive the playground! This day, just like the day outside right now is absolutely stunning. The sky is clear and a perfect blue!

 

She loves going down the slide too. She'll only go down the left side, because the right side is for Jason. I think she's still waiting for him to come back. It's so sad to hear her talk about Jason being in Caro-whine-uh. (South Carolina) She misses him something fierce.

Well, this episode must come to an end. It's about time for me to wake up the kissing baby from her nap and take her on a good walk in the sunshine. 

Happy Sunday!

Edelweiss

The Sound Of Music is my absolute favorite movie of all time. 


Wednesday night, Emersen had a tough time going to bed. This happens once every six months or so, when she feels like she needs just a little bit more snuggle time. 


I got her out of bed, because after two attempts per parent...sleep was not being achieved. 


(Without going into a diatribe about any certain parenting style, we do not let her cry in her crib. Her crib is a safe place, where she can fall asleep safely with her zebra and her sleep sheep and her blanket. She has never had to "cry it out" a training tool some parents use to help their children learn to self soothe. We know our daughter, and know she doesn't cry unless something is actually wrong especially in her crib.)


She hadn't eaten much dinner that night and was probably hungry. I got her a milk and sat her in my lap. Paul was in the shower, and I was flipping through the channels on the television for something other than Caillou. We came across The Sound Of Music. Swoon.

 The Lonely Goatherd was on, and it was so awesome to watch her watch it! She was genuinely interested in the puppets and the singing. 


My favorite part was coming on, where Captain Georg* is begged by his children to sing for them (amongst other guests, including his love interest and Maria). He sings Edelweiss. I love the song, I love the lyrics. I sang it softly to Emersen while she lay her head on my chest and sweetly listened. I mean, she was still. (She's two, this does not happen!) 


I have a fear, that netbooks and e-readers and mp3 players will take over the universe and that so many people will have the means to get "their stuff" out there that the truly amazing works will be lost or even worse, unappreciated. 

Sharing this sweet unexpected moment with my daughter, all the frustrations of her not going to bed drifted away. I now understand why my mom pulled me out of school once in a while to go shopping, and spend the day together. It was the best day, and if it had just been another regular routine day we wouldn't have had the moments we did. 

If Emmie had just gone to bed and I had just sat here played on the internet while Paul took a shower, I wouldn't have gotten to experience my daughter watching The Captain (Christopher Plummer) and Maria (Julie Andrews) waltz with each other, and realize they were in love as evidenced by the gaze with which he bestows her, and the ruddy pink her cheeks turn.


It's so easy to get disrupted by an errant blip in the routine. I am still learning to cherish these moments because they are heavenly instants once they come and they as fleeting as they are rare.

 

What's This Mommy?

Sitting in the bath tub, my inquisitive little girl plays with her foam bath letters.

She's working on her second set, as the last set was handed down and was getting grimy. That set also bore the marks of two mouths with sharp baby teeth exploring what the letter Q tasted like.

I'm kneeling on the floor, scrubbing the toilet thinking "Ah, the joys of having a husband. I get to scrub pee stains off the rim of the toilet, because my husband won't sit down to pee in the middle of the night."

Then, my little WonderKin asks me "What's this Mommy?" I look at her, "That's the letter A."
She replies, "This is the letter A, you're smart Mommy."

I say to her, no she is the smart one and I continue my bathroom cleaning ritual. Scrub the toilet, wet the sponge, wipe the floor perimeter, rinse the sponge, scrub the sink, get the bathroom wiping clothes and wipe the faucet, the counter and the back of the toilet.

All the while, my baby girl is playing with the water and bubbles in her tub.

"Baby, can you find the 'w' for mommy?"

"This is 'W' mommy!" She says, holding the correct letter. "And this is 'O' mommy!"

Yes, I think to myself. Those are W and O. (The feminist in me resists thinking she is trying to spell WOMAN! Because she's going to make an incredible woman, I can feel it in my soul.)

I can't help but wonder if my life had taken a different path, would I be watching my daughter literally learn right before my eyes? Would I know if I was missing it? Would I realize that she, while I was working, was learning and processing and becoming able?

I just love knowing that I can be here with her, helping her become able to do...everything.